Undeniable
by Dolphingirl32173
Summary: He's a monster. But he's also undeniable. And I can't fight my feelings for him anymore… Damon/Elena
1. Dear Diary, I Couldn't Lie

Undeniable  
DG32173

Sarah: just a story I got from a random thought. I hope you enjoy.

_**DISCLAIMER**_  
If I owned Vampire Diaries, the sexual tension between Damon and Elena wouldn't have gone unfulfilled for so damn long. As it is, I only own what I write and copies of the books on my Nook that I have yet to read.

_**WARNINGS**_  
ALTERNATE UNIVERSE! Rated M for my sanity, not that I have any. Alternating Elena and Damon's viewpoints. Starts when Damon asks Elena if he can trust Stefan to help him open the tomb.

_**SUMMARY**_  
He's a monster. But he's also undeniable. And I can't fight my feelings for him anymore… _**Damon/Elena**_

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Chapter 1  
Dear Diary, I Couldn't Lie

"_Can I trust him?" Damon's voice breaks through my thoughts._

_I look up and meet his eyes, only to see the complete vulnerability in his beautiful ice blue gaze. I realize with a jolt he's placed his trust in me and I know just how damn hard it is for him to trust someone after all he's gone through. I sigh, knowing that I'm breaking my promise to Stefan. "No," I say softly, meeting his eyes directly. "He doesn't trust you. He wants to find the grimiore first and destroy it. He wouldn't back down until I promised to lie to you."_

"_Why aren't you?" he asks, cocking his head to the side in inquiry._

"_Because I know how hard it is for you to trust someone after all you've been through," I tell him. "But you chose to trust me. I refuse to betray that trust."_

I sigh as I think back on this evening, curled up in my window seat with my diary in my lap. I remember the immense gratitude that had shined in his eyes. I put my pen to the blank page before me.

_Dear Diary,_

_I couldn't lie to Damon. Stefan had made me __promise__ to lie to his brother. He wouldn't back down until I made that promise, going so far as to grab my vervaine necklace and half-strangle me in desperation to make me agree. But I couldn't go through with it. Damon had placed his trust in me and I couldn't break that precious gift._

_So we came up with a plan for the possibility that Stefan figures out where the grimiore is before he does. I'm not very happy about it, but he assured me that there wouldn't be any serious consequences. He assured me that he wouldn't go through with the threat he will make to Stefan. And I trust him._

_I broke up with Stefan when Damon and I got back from Georgia. Things have been tense where the younger Salvatore brother is concerned. Stefan's been trying to make me believe that Damon is the one who can't be trusted. But the brothers' actions have spoken far louder than all the words they have said. Damon's actions have proven to me that he has grown to care about me in some way. While Stefan's actions __and__ his words have more than proven that all __he__ sees me as is a way to one-up his brother. I just wish I had found that picture __before__ I climbed in bed with him. Too late to get my virginity back, though._

_I don't know __precisely__ what the problem between the brothers is. But I know that they have been feuding for far too long. From what I can put together by what they both have told me about their human days is that before Katherine showed up in Mystic Falls, they had been the best of friends as well as brothers. I can't stand the thought of siblings letting __anyone__ get between their bond, particularly not when their bond is as strong as Damon's and Stefan's seems to have been before Katherine showed up. But she was a vampire and they were human. I know full well the exotic appeal vampires have on humans. I just wish they would wake up and realize that __no one__ is worth sacrificing their bond for. All they do now is push each other's every button in their quest to be 'the better brother'. And it makes me __sick__ watching them use everything and everyone around them to try to prove their superiority over the other. What's worse is that they use __me__ like that as well._

_But I know in my heart that they each must have had countless opportunities over the years to actually kill the other but __something__ stayed their hand each and every time. I think that something is the last remnants of their brotherly bond. They may hate each other with such intensity that I often find my breath knocked from my chest by being able to __sense__ it for all that I'm human. But they can't bring themselves to go through with killing the other in cold blood. So, there's still a shred of hope that something might move them towards building their bond back up. They just need motivation. And Katherine is not it. She's the one who started the whole damn feud in the first place. If it were up to me, I'd leave her to rot in that tomb for the rest of eternity. Or, better yet, I'd open the tomb and burn every single vampire in there to ash, __including__ Katherine._

_But I can't do that to Damon. He's still caught under her spell. He's completely obsessed with getting to her and setting her free. I think what's fueling him is obsession rather than love. From what I understand, after his mother died giving birth to Stefan, Damon only had love from his brother, which was stolen from him by Katherine's games. What I think he really wants is to have someone love him for who he is, good, bad, and ugly._

_I wish I could tell him that he __does__ have someone who loves him like that. He has me. But I have a feeling he wouldn't accept my love, not right now. Not while he's still caught up in Katherine's spell. He's been fueled by his obsession with her for 145 years. He blindly believes that he's in love with her. But I know the difference between love and obsession. I know it from personal experience. I can see with perfect clarity that he's only obsessed with her. If he had ever truly been in love with her, it faded to obsession long ago. But I don't think that was the case for either brother. I don't think either of them was truly in love with her at any point. The exotic appeal of a vampire is only matched by the sexuality that just oozes off of them. It can wrap you up in a spell and make you think you love them like you have never loved anyone in your life. That happened to me when I laid eyes on Stefan on the first day of school. Add in the infinite abundance of charm and good looks the brothers have, and I was a goner._

_But what kicked up between Damon and I wasn't because of his exotic appeal, oozing sexuality, undeniable charm, and devilishly sexy body. They may be bonuses for him, but this bond we share is deeper, stronger, and more substantial than that. He may be the very definition of masculinity, but there's a helluva a lot more to him than just what's on the surface._

_He likes giving off the air of a badass who couldn't care less about those around him other than as something to use to amuse himself. But I'm not going to break it to him that he's not like that. Not entirely. He just does that stuff to keep others at arm's reach. But I've seen through the cracks in his badass black armor. I've seen glimpses of the young man hiding behind the vampire._

_It's hard as hell to earn his trust because he's had people turn on him so many times over the decades that he's trying very hard to avoid having that happen again. But, for some reason, he chose to place his trust in me. I'd love to know what I did to make him think I deserve such a precious gift. But I refuse to throw it back in his face like Stefan so desperately wants me to do. I consider Damon my closest friend. He knows me even better than Bonnie and Caroline do, and I've known __them__ since we were all in diapers. You don't go stabbing your friends in the back. At least, I don't. It's not something real friends do. So I told him what Stefan wanted me to hide from him._

_Stefan has done nothing to deserve having me uphold a promise I make to him. Not to mention that promise was made out of fear and desperation to avoid being compelled. That was just another example of Stefan trying to use me to one-up his brother. I'm not going to give __him__ any mercy for his actions. I gave him my heart and my virginity. He threw those gifts back in my face with his lies and deceit. He even tried to get me to lie for him when he knows how much I hate lies and liars! He knows how much I hate all the lying I've been doing to everyone I know about what's happening in my life! And yet he __still__ grabbed my vervaine necklace and half-strangled me with it in a desperate attempt to get me to lie for him. So not the way to get back in my good graces, Stefan. In fact, I completely lost __all__ respect for him because of that stunt._

_When this is all over, I'm going to kick Stefan out of my life completely. And if he doesn't leave willingly, Damon had better hold me back because otherwise he could very well lose the only family he has left because I could very well stake Stefan in the heart out of sheer frustration with him. I just hope that once we open the tomb and free Katherine, Damon wakes up to realize everything that bitch cost him. I'd love to see him ram a stake through her heart. In my opinion, the only good thing she ever did for him was turn him into a vampire, allowing him to live long enough to meet me. And even that isn't enough to redeem her of the hell she turned his life into._

_Maybe, if something happens that wakes him up to the bitch she really was, then just maybe he and I can explore this bond we share, find out just how far it goes. I have never felt so connected to someone in my life. I've always known the exact instant he came near because my body would instinctively relax around him. My judgment may be poor, but I know I can trust my instincts beyond the shadow of a doubt._

_I still can't get over how terrified I was of losing Damon when Lexi's boyfriend was intent on barbecuing him. 'When it's real, you can't walk away.' Those words were spoken to me by Lexi. But she was referring to my relationship to Stefan. I didn't know then why it put me ill-at-ease to refer to Stefan with those words. But when they fell from my lips when trying to plead for that vampire to spare Damon, I knew in that instant why I never felt right using them in reference to Stefan. What Stefan and I had __wasn't__ real. But what Damon and I have __is__. I wasn't even thinking coherently when the words fell from my lips in an attempt to save Damon. That signals something pretty significant. It signals that I spoke with my heart rather than my head._

_Mom had several different sayings she'd spout in different situations. But her favorite was 'Trust for Trust'. To give your trust to someone, you have to be able to receive it in return. I gave my trust to Stefan more times than I care to count only to have him throw it back in my face with his inability to tell the truth. He can't bring himself to trust anyone around him, not even me, who he __claims__ to love. I don't know the reason for that but I have a feeling it dates back to the day Katherine was taken from him and Damon. The other part of the meaning of 'Trust for Trust' is that for any relationship to be a positive one, both parties must be able to give and receive trust mutually. Stefan can't trust anyone. So any relationship with him is doomed to be a negative one._

_I just hope when this all blows over, I'll still have something left to keep me going. I have this feeling that opening the tomb is only going to be the beginning of things to come._

_Elena_

I sigh, lift my pen from the page, and close my journal. I climb off my window seat and put my pen in the cup on my desk before kneeling down to lift the loose floorboard next to my bed. I carefully set my journal in the cubbyhole I had created here to store things precious to me that would not fit in other hiding spots scattered around my room.

I lower the floorboard back into place. I grab some PJs and underwear from my dresser and head into the bathroom to get changed for bed. When I come back out, I frown to see Damon taking up residence in my bed, one arm tucked behind his head. I'm about to tell him off for keeping his boots on because I had made it a rule between us that if he was to be on my bed, his boots had to be taken off and left on the floor. But I stop myself when I notice that he's not meeting my eyes and he's fiddling with what looks like a black rose.

"Damon?" I ask softly. He meets my eyes immediately. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," he says dismissively, looking down at the rose.

My frown deepens but I don't call him on the lie. "What's with the rose? And why is it black?" I ask instead.

"Actually, it's not black. It's such a deep red that it only appears black," he says. "But this species is called Black Magic due to the illusion of appearing black. It's an exceedingly rare species and only grows under domestication. There are no roses like it in the wild."

"That answers the second question," I tell him. "I'll repeat the first: what's with the rose?"

He hops off my bed and comes toward me. "I got it for you as a 'thank you' for telling me the truth about not being able to trust Stefan," he says, holding it out to me as he meets my eyes.

I take the rose, startled to find he had carefully broken off all the thorns. I lift the blossom to my nose, close my eyes, and inhale the rich fragrance. I open my eyes and smile warmly at Damon. "You gave me your trust," I tell him. "I'm the one who should be thanking you for giving me such a precious gift. But I'll gladly accept the rose. Thank you."

He winks at me. "You know, the Irish used black roses to signify courage in their resistance against the British invasion in the sixteenth century," he tells me conversationally. "There are many other things they are said to represent, but I think courage is probably the best possible meaning behind a black rose. It takes a lot of courage to go so dark in color as to be mistaken for black, considering black is typically used to represent evil."

I smirk. "Then I should be the one giving a black rose to you," I tell him. He arches an eyebrow. "A lot of people mistake you for being black-hearted."

"But I _am,"_ he tells me.

I shake my head. "No. You just like to pretend you are," I tell him firmly. "But I know better."

"And you know better _how,_ precisely?" he asks sardonically.

I just smile and press the rose to my nose again. "I've seen flashes of Damon the man peek out from behind Damon the monster," I tell him softly, meeting his startled eyes. "He was there and gone faster than most people would be able to recognize him at all. But I know you're like this rose. You let people think you are darker and more sinister than you really are. Don't worry. I won't tell anyone. But when you're ready to drop the charade, let me know. I'll be waiting. I want to get to know Damon the man. I'm sure he and I will have a lot to talk about. We might even have a lot more in common than he realizes. I think he could become a very good friend to me. I know I'd like to be a very good friend to him. Think on it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to put this in water."

I leave him standing there staring after me as I head back into the bathroom to fetch a glass vase I keep there. I fill it with tap water and stick my rose in it. I decide that black roses are my new favorite flower. I carry the vase, rose and all, back into my room. Upon returning to my room, I see that Damon had fled in my absence. I had expected as much. He's not one to be comfortable with sentimental or personal stuff. That he had chosen to bring me a flower to show his gratitude for not betraying his trust was a lot more sentimental than he probably felt comfortable with. I'm sure he had rationalized that away somehow. But my confession at seeing the glimpses of the man behind the monster must have downright scared him. That made him realize that he had actually grown rather comfortable around me, which is something he fights very hard to prevent from happening with anyone. Damon has an extreme sense of self-preservation that tells him to keep everyone at arm's reach. He's had so many people in his life turn on him that he has put up these thick, nearly-impenetrable walls around his heart. But something about me has caused him to drop those walls on occasions and only when it's just the two of us. He obviously hadn't realized that he had done so until I pointed it out to him.

I think he's gone to sulk. He would deny it as sulking, but it will be. He's not going to be happy that I have seen glimpses of the man behind the monster. But I hope that I have given him something to cling to in that offering of mutual friendship. I situate the vase just so on my desk, stroke the petals of the rose for good luck, and head to bed.

**Damon**

I watch Elena through her window as she climbs into her bed and gets comfortable. She had never noticed the crow perched on the tree branch outside her window. I'm just another shadow among the darkness for all her eyes can make out. Giving her the rose to thank her for being honest with me was a huge gamble. Hearing that she has seen my humanity leak through was an enormous shock.

But what puzzles me are her words about wanting to become very good friends with 'the man behind the monster'. Something tells me she had put more meaning behind those words than I picked up. I clack my beak in irritation when I'm unable to puzzle out her words. Then my eyes land on the loose floorboard next to her bed. I had watched as she had hidden her journal under it. That's one hiding spot of hers I haven't yet looked into. I'm pretty sure I've found all her other hiding spots. Unfortunately for me, that floorboard was rather noisy when she lifted it up to get into her cubbyhole. Noisy enough that it would wake her if I tried to slip in to get to her journal.

Even so, there are other things I can do in her room while she's asleep. I glide back through her window and shape-shift back into a man. I ghost my finger down her jawline, my touch so light she wouldn't feel it even if she were awake. More and more often I have found myself toying with the notion of giving up on the tomb and leaving Katherine to rot in favor of making this earthbound angel _mine_ for eternity. And ever since she officially broke things off with my brother, I have noticed that she has developed this tendency to seek out my company at increasingly frequent intervals. And she has been trying desperately to avoid any time alone in Stefan's company. He pretty much had to _beg_ for her to go to the Salvatore estate with him. She only agreed because she was 'tired of seeing a vampire over a century and half in age begging like a toddler would for a treat'. She even mentioned that she was half-afraid that he would start throwing a temper-tantrum if she didn't go with him, just like a toddler being denied a treat. But she warned him that if he tried _anything,_ she would tell me and let me deal with him. I got a kick out of the expression on his face at that threat.

I let my expression soften into a smile when Elena murmurs my name in her sleep. I hesitate just briefly before bending to place the lightest of kisses against her forehead. My first kiss with her, and I _know_ there _will_ be a lot more than just a first kiss with her, will take place when she's awake. Suddenly, as I pull away, she starts to stir. I quickly shape-shift into a crow and flee back to my tree branch.

I watch as she groggily blinks her eyes open. "Damon?" she calls softly, propping herself up on her arm and looking around. I remain as still as only a vampire can be, not even rustling a feather. She frowns and sighs, almost as if in disappointment. "Must have been a dream," she tells herself, making herself comfortable again. "I wish I could remember it. Was probably epic." Having an epic dream about me? Epically terrifying, perhaps. But I know she meant epic in the very good sense of the term. Elena turns to look at the rose I gave her. "Damon said that black roses represent courage," she murmurs, closing her eyes. "Wish I was courageous enough to tell him about my real feelings for him. But he's obsessed with Katherine. He would just put up his walls and shut me out if I told him." She sighs dispiritedly and quickly succumbs to sleep again.

Once I'm sure she's safely asleep, I shift back into a man and frown. What did she mean, her _real_ feelings for me? Friendship is one thing. But her words obviously signal something that's a helluva lot more than simple friendship. I make up my mind to dig out her journal while she's at school tomorrow. She had to have written about these feelings in there. I can't very well confront her about them. She'd get pissed that I was spying on her and quite likely slap me again. That girl has a powerful swing. Even though I'm on human blood, her slaps _stung_ like a bitch each and every time. I can live without another first-hand experience of the fury she can put behind her slaps.

I sigh and shape-shift back into a crow, deciding to keep watch on her through the night. Maybe she'll let something slip out by sleep-talking.


	2. Snooping

Undeniable  
DG32173

Sarah: here's chapter 2. I hope everyone enjoys! Please be kind and leave a review when you're finished reading!

_**REVIEW REPLIES**_

_jairem:_ so glad you enjoyed the first chapter. As for Damon's feelings for Katherine at the moment, I'm not going to spoil that. You'll find out soon enough. And I found out the info about black roses on the internet. Considering the national flower for Ireland is the black rose, I'm pretty sure it's true. Anyways, here's the next chapter. Thanks for the review!

_zikae218:_ so glad you love it! Here's the next chapter, written entirely from Damon's view. Enjoy!

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Chapter 2  
Snooping

**Damon**

I watch as Elena climbs into Bonnie's car and buckles up. The young witch is giving her a ride to school. I wait until the witch's car turns the corner at the far end of the street before soaring back into Elena's room and shape-shifting into a man. Elena had left her window wide open when she left the house. I take that as an open invitation to snoop through her things, though I know she hadn't meant it as such. I immediately lift the loose floorboard next to her bed and fetch her journal from its hiding spot.

I then kick off my boots and make myself comfortable on her bed. I decide to skip the entries that are most likely dripping with sentimental things about my brother and flip to the first entry after our return to Georgia, which actually takes place the evening we got back.

_Dear Diary,_

_I can't __believe__ how idiotic I have been these past few months. I placed my trust and heart in the hands of the wrong man. Stefan is nothing but a compulsive liar. 'Blonde hair, blue eyes.' Yeah, sure. And I'm the Queen of England. I just wish I had found that picture of Katherine __before__ I climbed into bed with him. It's too late to get back my virginity, though. She and I look __exactly__ alike. That was one helluva wake-up call._

_If he thinks lying about __that__ is okay, then I can't trust a single word that comes out of his mouth. I was so pissed and so hurt by his deception that I got dressed and fled the boarding house while he was getting me a glass of water. I drove my SUV a lot faster than I should have. Then I saw someone standing in the middle of the road. I slammed on the brakes but it was too late: I slammed into them and my car rolled end-over-end to land on its roof. I was stuck because I couldn't get my seatbelt to unfasten. Then I saw the __vampire__ fixing his limbs. I was terrified when he started coming towards me. I knew he wanted to feed on me, maybe even drain me dry._

_Thankfully, Damon showed up in time to chase him off. I never thought I'd be so glad to see the Prince of Darkness himself come to my rescue. He got me out of my car and made sure I was okay. But I fainted in his arms. I think I managed to get out that I had discovered the truth about my resemblance to Katherine beforehand, but I'm not sure. He didn't say. Anyways, after I fainted, he decided to take me to Georgia with him. He had business with a witch who owned a bar in a small town near Atlanta and he decided I needed a 'five-minute timeout'. I wasn't too happy about it at first, but he convinced me. And we had a lot of fun. I think he was trying desperately to get me drunk but I showed him just how well I can hold my alcohol. I even beat half the bar; including __Damon,__ in three rounds of bourbon shot races. It was so much fun to tease him about the bourbon dripping down his chin. Now that I'm fully sober again, I find myself rather surprised that he had just teased me right back about being able to 'unhinge my jaw like a snake to drink my alcohol'. I never realized hanging out with him could be so much fun. He made me remember what it's like to __live__ again, rather than just __exist__. I'll admit, I miss it._

_We were having a blast together up until I got a call from Jenna that I stepped outside to take because the bar was rather noisy and I couldn't understand a word she was saying. Suddenly, I felt an arm wrap around my waist and a hand clamp down over my mouth, causing me to drop my phone in surprise. I proceeded to be dragged off, around the corner of the bar to the warehouses standing to one side. I was put on the ladder by the vampire. Before I could even consider getting down, Damon showed up to save me. I tried to warn him to run, but it was too late. The vampire, who I found out was Lexi's boyfriend, vamped forward and bashed the back of Damon's legs in with a baseball bat, causing Damon to cry out in pain and collapse._

_I'll admit, I have never been more terrified in my life than the moment I realized that Lexi's boyfriend intended to light Damon on fire in vengeance for killing Lexi. Even now, I tremble as I remember the moment that I realized that if I lost Damon, I would never be the same again. I was so scared that my thoughts were completely incoherent. I was just spouting things off the top of my head to try and get the vampire to back off and spare Damon. But one phrase sticks with me: 'When it's real, you can't walk away.'_

_Lexi had told me that before Damon killed her. But she had been referring to Stefan and me when she said it. Until the moment I said it in an attempt to save Damon, I didn't understand __why__ I always felt disgusted by the notion of it applying to Stefan and me. But now I do: what Stefan and I had __wasn't__ real. It was just the exotic appeal of a vampire combined with the sexuality that oozes off of them as well as the infinite abundance of charm and good looks that the brothers have. It wove a spell around me, making me __think__ I was in love with Stefan. But I wasn't, not really._

_But somehow, in the past few months, a bond has formed between Damon and me. It's stronger and deeper and a whole lot more potent than anything I have ever experienced. I knew from the second I met his eyes in the boarding house when I was returning Stefan's book that there was just something about this devilishly sexy man that called out to me like nothing I've ever known. I'll admit, I was scared of that call for a very long time. But even as I tried my damnedest to ignore it, the call just got louder and more insistent that I answer it._

_When I discovered just what the brothers are, I'll admit I was terrified of Stefan. But, in spite of everything he's done to try to prove his heart is pitch-black, I have always known deep down that Damon is redeemable of his past. And now that I've seen glimpses of the man behind the monster, I'm determined that I'll be the one to redeem him._

_Now I just need to figure out what this bond between us means. I need to know just why it feels like he and I are connected by this unbreakable cable. The mere thought of losing him from my life for any reason terrifies me just as much as I was when I realized Lexi's boyfriend was determined to kill him right in front of me. And I need to know __why__ it's such a terrifying thought._

_Anyways, I was downright vicious and cruel when I permanently ended things with Stefan when Damon brought me home today. I ripped into him, chewed him up, and spat him out. In the process, I managed to get out of him that I'm adopted and that he's the one who saved me the night my parents drowned. I didn't let him comfort me when I took the news of being adopted hard. I told him precisely what I thought of him in such foul language, his eyes nearly popped out of his head in shock. Normally, I don't use my vast repertoire of curses and insult. But I used a good percentage of it on him in my fury. I bet even Damon had been surprised to hear such language fall from my lips. But, if he was, he had hidden it by the time I got back downstairs to have him take me home._

_Now, I need to get some sleep. It's been a long three days. I just wish I had been able to get more time on the road trip with Damon. I hope we can go on another one soon. I hope road trips become our 'thing' in the future._

_Elena_

I smirk as I think back on the downright crude vocabulary that had fallen from lips I had previously thought to be pristine and pure during her onslaught against Stefan. I'll admit, I _had_ been surprised to hear that sort of language coming from her. But when I heard her leaving his room, I quickly hid my surprise at her impressive knowledge of the fouler part of the English language. I reread the last three sentences of her journal entry and grin wryly. So she wants to go on more road trips with me. This is going to be interesting. Perhaps I can oblige her.

I turn my attention to the next entry in her journal, which was written the night Stefan and I caught and killed her vampire stalker.

_Dear Diary,_

_At least part of this horrible nightmare is over. I had asked Damon to be my date to the Decade Dance tonight. As he was on his way to pick me up, though, my vampire stalker showed up. Damon had given me Dad's watch, which is actually a compass that points towards the nearest vampire. While I was getting ready, touching up my makeup and making sure my hair was lying just right, I heard the compass spinning wildly and felt a chill run down my spine. I just knew my stalker had shown up. At the time, I didn't know how he had gotten an invite into my home. But I wasn't worried about that right then. I grabbed my phone and the compass and hit the first speed-dial, the one I assigned Damon's number to. He picked up on the first ring and I begged him to tell me he was here. But he was still a couple blocks from my house. I told him what the compass was doing and he let out a vicious blue streak. Then my stalker grabbed me by the arm and threw me into the wall. I had shrieked in fear and dropped my phone. I had immediately pushed myself to my feet and made a mad dash for the front door. But, just as I swung it open, my stalker had grabbed me again and pulled me away. I caught sight of his face, vamped out and prepared to sink his fangs into my neck. Then Damon charged through the door and body-slammed him off me._

_My stalker had taken off at that point and Damon let him go so as to make sure I was okay. I was a little banged up from being thrown around like a ragdoll, but other than that I was fine. We quickly puzzled out how my stalker had secured himself an invite: he had posed as the pizza delivery guy last night, who Jeremy had told to come in and set the pizzas on the table in the entry hall. Damon admitted that he had to give the guy props for the ingenuity and I just gave him a 'look'._

_He then decided to call Stefan in so that they could take my stalker out at the dance. I wasn't very happy about having Stefan coming along. I don't like dealing with him any more than I absolutely must. But Damon informed me that this was one of those times I didn't have a choice in the matter. I just told him that I would completely put my foot down on __dancing__ with his brother. He assured me that I didn't have to go __that__ far. I was relieved about that much._

_Well, at the dance, I managed to get a couple of dances in with Damon before things went hell. He's exceptionally talented on the dance floor. He also flirted with me throughout our dances as well as teased me relentlessly. I was having such a good time that I had almost forgotten about my stalker. At least until I spotted the stalker's hoodie. I didn't realize my stalker had given it to one of the students as a way to lure the brothers away from me. Not until a call came to my phone with an unknown number. I answered it and he told me to quietly and calmly leave through the doors near the refreshment tables or he'd kill Jeremy._

_I couldn't risk it. I did as he said. But once I was in the halls, I broke into a run, praying that Damon would be able to get to me in time to save me. I tried every set of doors I came across by they were locked and chained shut. My stalker finally cornered me in the cafeteria. I managed to grab a couple of No.2 pencils that were lying on a table before he walked in. He didn't think I would try to fight back, because I took him by surprise when I jammed a pencil all the way through each of his palms. Just before he could get revenge on me for that, Damon grabbed him by the arms and threw him into the vending machines across the room. After a short interrogation, Damon speared him through the heart with a wooden broom handle I had snapped in half in a futile attempt to get myself a good weapon._

_But some of the things my stalker had said before he was killed still disturb me. "1864 all over again." "You were so caught up in her spell you don't even remember __me__." "She looks like Katherine." Something tells me that the Salvatore brothers weren't the only young men in Mystic Falls that Katherine had been fooling around with in 1864. But I can't tell Damon that. He wouldn't listen to it. He's obsessed with getting her out of the tomb. But I'm starting to think that she had been playing the brothers as fools. I mean, wouldn't she have made a __choice__ long before that night she was taken from them if she had actually cared about either of them? But the fact that they __both__ turned when their father shot them through the heart tells me that she just might have been planning to string them along for eternity. But Damon's so blindly obsessed with her that he wouldn't listen to this. So it's best to keep my musings to myself. I don't want him getting pissed at me over this._

_If I were to be given that choice now, I'd choose Damon without a second thought. He's worth sacrificing everything for. He just doesn't realize it. I don't yet know if this is love I feel for him, but I've never felt so strongly for anyone in my life. I have to keep analyzing my feelings for him. I just hope he will wake up to realize that Katherine had been toying with both of them before something happens that slaps that realization into him in a way that breaks his heart. I've worked so hard try to bring the man out of the monster. But if something happens that breaks his heart, I could very well lose him to the monster again. Not that I would sit around and just let that happen. But the fight to bring the man back out will be twice as hard as it was getting him to come out the first time. I'm not sure if this is love, but I honestly can't think of any other word to describe these feelings adequately. And even love isn't a strong enough word to encompass it all._

_Elena_

I lower the journal, my lips pressed together in a grim line. The last two paragraphs in that entry have given me a lot to think about. But before I can muse too deeply into them, I need to keep reading. I have to know for sure if Elena Gilbert has actually fallen in love with me. I turn to the next entry.

_Dear Diary,_

_Well now I know what Damon had been heading to Georgia in the first place. He had been chasing his last shot at getting into the tomb by talking to Bree. He didn't have to say what he did after he got the information from her. I know him well enough to know that he'd repay betrayal of the magnitude of what she did to him with death. I knew it even as I watched him walk back into the bar. I know the brothers have this crazy notion that I'm some kind of angel. But to be perfectly honest, I'm no angel. I've got stains on my soul. Not as many and certainly not the same kind as the brothers have on their souls, but I know I'm not perfect. If I'm any sort of angel, it's a fallen one._

_I know this because in spite of knowing he was going to kill Bree for nearly having him killed, I couldn't find it in myself to give a damn about it. My guess is he ripped her heart out. He seems like the kind of person who prefers that method of killing someone. Knowing he did something like that and watching the blood fly as he shoved his hand into her chest to rip out her heart are two entirely different matters. That's why I stayed in the car like he told me to. But the temptation to watch her pay for nearly taking him from me was pretty damn huge._

_Anyways, Damon told Stefan and me the only way left of getting into the tomb: Emily's grimiore. Damon kept referring to it as 'a witch's cookbook'. Stefan explained the details about what it is, probably hoping to win brownie points. So not happening, Stefan. You screwed up your chance. You get to suffer._

_I know that whatever we find in that tomb is going to make all the difference in where my relationship with Damon goes thereafter. He and I are extremely close. I wish I had the courage to take the next step with him. But he and I both know that he is completely focused on opening the tomb and getting Katherine out. And I don't want to take that step only to watch him run off into the sunset with Katherine. It would utterly destroy me. It would be bad enough watching him run off with Katherine without having taken that step._

_But I'll grit my teeth and force a smile on my lips should that happen. I won't let him see how much pain I'll be in. Stefan's probably expecting me to turn to him once Damon's out of the picture. I just wish I could get it through his thick skull that he's had his chance and he will never get another one. I wouldn't get back with Stefan if he was the last man in the universe. He needs to wake up and smell the coffee. He screwed up big time. He needs to learn to accept the bitter consequences of such actions. No amount of sugar and creamer will sweeten __this__ batch._

_I still wonder about that curious sensation I had the first time I looked into Damon's eyes the day I brought Stefan's book back to the boarding house. I had the strangest sensation of having met him before, just not being able to place where or when we could have met. Now that I know what he is and what he can do, I have to wonder if we __had__ met prior to that day and he had compelled me to forget for whatever reason. But it's not like I can go to him and __ask__ him about it. He'd just pretend not to understand or make the feeling into some sort of joke, like saying that maybe it's telling me that I should have been with __him__ instead of his brother. He won't tell me. I just know he'll keep the reason behind that feeling to himself. And it's not like I could get my hands on some journal of his to find out. Even if he __does__ keep a current journal, I know him too well to think he'd __ever__ just leave it lying around somewhere. Besides, he may enjoy delving into other people's privacy by reading their journals, but I would feel guilty about delving into his private thoughts. I don't know why, but I get this feeling that he trusts me. I'm not about to go breaking that trust just to get inside his head. It takes a __helluva__ lot to earn __Damon's__ trust. Especially considering all he's been through that has given him every reason to trust no one but himself. I don't know even half the story, but I know that he's had his trust broken by more people than I could even begin counting. If he really __has__ placed his trust in me, I refuse to throw such a valuable and hard-earned gift back in his face. It would be all-but-impossible to get it back without going to extreme measures._

_Anyways, Stefan had acted like such a two-year-old in his desperate attempt to get me to agree to meet him at the old Salvatore estate this afternoon. I know precisely what he wants to talk about: the grimiore. And whatever he has planned can't be good for Damon. I finally relented because I was half-afraid he'd throw a temper-tantrum over it, like the two-year-old he was behaving like. It's embarrassing watching a vampire over a century and a half in age demean himself to acting like a two-year-old being denied a treat. It's even embarrassing watching a guy who appears to be seventeen demean himself in such a way. Seriously, Stefan, __grow up!_

_But I need to go if I'm going to find out what Stefan's plotting. Wish me luck, Diary. I'll need it to keep my temper in check._

_Elena_

I frown. In this entry, Elena had given big clues to her feelings for me, but she hadn't outright mentioned them or what they could be. Maybe her next entry, the one she made last night, will go into the details I need.

_Dear Diary,_

_I couldn't lie to Damon. Stefan had made me __promise__ to lie to his brother. He wouldn't back down until I made that promise, going so far as to grab my vervaine necklace and half-strangle me in desperation to make me agree. But I couldn't go through with it. Damon had placed his trust in me and I couldn't break that precious gift._

_So we came up with a plan for the possibility that Stefan figures out where the grimiore is before he does. I'm not very happy about it, but he assured me that there wouldn't be any serious consequences. He assured me that he wouldn't go through with the threat he will make to Stefan. And I trust him._

_I broke up with Stefan when Damon and I got back from Georgia. Things have been tense where the younger Salvatore brother is concerned. Stefan's been trying to make me believe that Damon is the one who can't be trusted. But the brothers' actions have spoken far louder than all the words they have said. Damon's actions have proven to me that he has grown to care about me in some way. While Stefan's actions __and__ his words have more than proven that all __he__ sees me as is a way to one-up his brother. I just wish I had found that picture __before__ I climbed in bed with him. Too late to get my virginity back, though._

_I don't know __precisely__ what the problem between the brothers is. But I know that they have been feuding for far too long. From what I can put together by what they both have told me about their human days is that before Katherine showed up in Mystic Falls, they had been the best of friends as well as brothers. I can't stand the thought of siblings letting __anyone__ get between their bond, particularly not when their bond is as strong as Damon's and Stefan's seems to have been before Katherine showed up. But she was a vampire and they were human. I know full well the exotic appeal vampires have on humans. I just wish they would wake up and realize that __no one__ is worth sacrificing their bond for. All they do now is push each other's every button in their quest to be 'the better brother'. And it makes me __sick__ watching them use everything and everyone around them to try to prove their superiority over the other. What's worse is that they use __me__ like that as well._

_But I know in my heart that they each must have had countless opportunities over the years to actually kill the other but __something__ stayed their hand each and every time. I think that something is the last remnants of their brotherly bond. They may hate each other with such intensity that I often find my breath knocked from my chest by being able to __sense__ it for all that I'm human. But they can't bring themselves to go through with killing the other in cold blood. So, there's still a shred of hope that something might move them towards building their bond back up. They just need motivation. And Katherine is not it. She's the one who started the whole damn feud in the first place. If it were up to me, I'd leave her to rot in that tomb for the rest of eternity. Or, better yet, I'd open the tomb and burn every single vampire in there to ash, __including__ Katherine._

_But I can't do that to Damon. He's still caught under her spell. He's completely obsessed with getting to her and setting her free. I think what's fueling him is obsession rather than love. From what I understand, after his mother died giving birth to Stefan, Damon only had love from his brother, which was stolen from him by Katherine's games. What I think he really wants is to have someone love him for who he is, good, bad, and ugly._

_I wish I could tell him that he __does__ have someone who loves him like that. He has me. But I have a feeling he wouldn't accept my love, not right now. Not while he's still caught up in Katherine's spell. He's been fueled by his obsession with her for 145 years. He blindly believes that he's in love with her. But I know the difference between love and obsession. I know it from personal experience. I can see with perfect clarity that he's only obsessed with her. If he had ever truly been in love with her, it faded to obsession long ago. But I don't think that was the case for either brother. I don't think either of them was truly in love with her at any point. The exotic appeal of a vampire is only matched by the sexuality that just oozes off of them. It can wrap you up in a spell and make you think you love them like you have never loved anyone in your life. That happened to me when I laid eyes on Stefan on the first day of school. Add in the infinite abundance of charm and good looks the brothers have, and I was a goner._

_But what kicked up between Damon and I wasn't because of his exotic appeal, oozing sexuality, undeniable charm, and devilishly sexy body. They may be bonuses for him, but this bond we share is deeper, stronger, and more substantial than that. He may be the very definition of masculinity, but there's a helluva a lot more to him than just what's on the surface._

_He likes giving off the air of a badass who could care less about those around him other than as something to use to amuse himself. But I'm not going to break it to him that he's not like that. Not entirely. He just does that stuff to keep others at arm's reach. But I've seen through the cracks in his badass black armor. I've seen glimpses of the young man hiding behind the vampire._

_It's hard as hell to earn his trust because he's had people turn on him so many times over the decades that he's trying very hard to avoid having that happen again. But, for some reason, he chose to place his trust in me. I'd love to know what I did to make him think I deserve such a precious gift. But I refuse to throw it back in his face like Stefan so desperately wants me to do. I consider Damon my closest friend. He knows me even better than Bonnie and Caroline do, and I've known __them__ since we were all in diapers. You don't go stabbing your friends in the back. At least, I don't. It's not something real friends do. So I told him what Stefan wanted me to hide from him._

_Stefan has done nothing to deserve having me uphold a promise I make to him. Not to mention that promise was made out of fear and desperation to avoid being compelled. That was just another example of Stefan trying to use me to one-up his brother. I'm not going to give __him__ any mercy for his actions. I gave him my heart and my virginity. He threw those gifts back in my face with his lies and deceit. He even tried to get me to lie for him when he knows how much I hate lies and liars! He knows how much I hate all the lying I've been doing to everyone I know about what's happening in my life! And yet he __still__ grabbed my vervaine necklace and half-strangled me with it in a desperate attempt to get me to lie for him. So not the way to get back in my good graces, Stefan. In fact, I completely lost __all__ respect for him because of that stunt._

_When this is all over, I'm going to kick Stefan out of my life completely. And if he doesn't leave willingly, Damon had better hold me back because otherwise he could very well lose the only family he has left because I could very well stake Stefan in the heart out of sheer frustration with him. I just hope that once we open the tomb and free Katherine, Damon wakes up to realize everything that bitch cost him. I'd love to see him ram a stake through her heart. In my opinion, the only good thing she ever did for him was turn him into a vampire, allowing him to live long enough to meet me. And even that isn't enough to redeem her of the hell she turned his life into._

_Maybe, if something happens that wakes him up to the bitch she really was, then just maybe he and I can explore this bond we share, find out just how far it goes. I have never felt so connected to someone in my life. I've always known the exact instant he came near because my body would instinctively relax around him. My judgment may be poor, but I know I can trust my instincts beyond the shadow of a doubt._

_I still can't get over how terrified I was of losing Damon when Lexi's boyfriend was intent on barbecuing him. 'When it's real, you can't walk away.' Those words were spoken to me by Lexi. But she was referring to my relationship to Stefan. I didn't know then why it put me ill-at-ease to refer to Stefan with those words. But when they fell from my lips when trying to plead for that vampire to spare Damon, I knew in that instant why I never felt right using them in reference to Stefan. What Stefan and I had __wasn't__ real. But what Damon and I have __is.__ I wasn't even thinking coherently when the words fell from my lips in an attempt to save Damon. That signals something pretty significant. It signals I spoke with my heart rather than my head._

_Mom had several different sayings she'd spout in different situations. But her favorite was 'Trust for Trust'. To give your trust to someone, you have to be able to receive it in return. I gave my trust to Stefan more times than I care to count only to have him throw it back in my face with his inability to tell the truth. He can't bring himself to trust anyone around him, not even me, who he __claims__ to love. I don't know the reason for that but I have a feeling it dates back to the day Katherine was taken from him and Damon. The other part of the meaning of 'Trust for Trust' is that for any relationship to be a positive one, both parties must be able to give and receive trust mutually. Stefan can't trust anyone. So any relationship with him is doomed to be a negative one._

_I just hope when this all blows over, I'll still have something left to keep me going. I have this feeling that opening the tomb is only going to be the beginning of things to come._

_Elena_

I sigh, running a hand through my hair. Things have gotten complicated where Elena's concerned. Just as I'm about to close her journal I notice she had made an entry just this morning. I figure I might as well read it, too.

_Dear Diary,_

_Last night, Damon gave me what looked like a black rose. Then he told me that it was actually such a deep red that it only __looked__ black. When I took it from him, I realized he was right. He told me that the species was called Black Magic. He told me the rose was his way of thanking me for being honest with him. He also told me the Irish used black roses to signal courage in their resistance to the British invasion in the sixteenth century. He then said, "It takes a lot of courage to go so dark in color as to be mistaken for black, considering black is typically used to signify evil."_

_I'm quite sure those words are his own. I told him that I should have been giving him a black rose in that case, considering everyone mistakenly thinks he's black-hearted. He tried to insist that he is, but I told him I know better. He wanted to know how I know better, though he was rather sardonic about it. So I told him about the flashes I've seen of Damon the man peeking out from behind Damon the monster. I told him that I would like to get to know the man better, that he and I might have more in common than he realizes. I told him that Damon the man could become a very good friend to me and I'd like to be a very good friend to him._

_To say Damon was surprised by my words is an understatement; I've never seen him struck speechless. Then I went to fill a glass vase I keep in the bathroom with water and put the rose in it. When I returned with the vase, Damon was gone. I had expected as much because, let's face it, Damon's not the sentimental sort. Nor does he like finding out that his humanity had been showing. And I had just gotten very sentimental with him as well as pointed out that he had somehow grown comfortable enough with me to allow his humanity to slip through when it's just the two of us._

_The gift of a rose as a thank you had been a pretty substantial surprise for me. But, looking at the flower now, I have decided that black roses are my new favorite flowers. Damon had even taken the time to carefully break off each thorn that had been on the stem. That was surprisingly considerate of him. I think Damon's a lot like this rose was when it had thorns. His heart is so dark in color that many people don't get close enough to realize it's not truly black. He has thorns to protect himself from the world. But, if one is careful enough, patient enough, they can get close enough to find out there is a whole lot more hiding from that first glance. Damon, like the rose he gave me, is precious. His heart has many scars on it. I just hope to one day be able to get close enough to completely heal them. But I just have to be patient._

_Unlike the rose he gave me, Damon is by no means tame. He is like the crow he takes the shape of. The crow could be tamed to take seed from the hand of one who is gentle and patient enough to earn its trust. But you should never try to cage it. It's much too smart to allow itself to stay trapped in a cage. And once it picks the lock and frees itself, it will fly away, never to trust another again. This is like Damon. He's slowly coming to trust me, but I know he is still hesitant about committing the full amount of his trust in me. I have to be gentle and patient. I can't break his trust or try to cage him in. He'll just free himself of the cage and take off. And I don't know if anyone will ever be able to earn his trust again after that._

_No, I can't ever do anything to break his trust. But knowing that he has started to trust me is a good sign. I just wish I was like a crow, too, and smart enough to break free of the cage I'm trapped in. But I might as well go the full distance in relation to birds and say this: I'm not only caged, but I also have chains attached to my jesses. Heavy iron chains holding me to my perch. I can sidle back and forth, but I won't be able to free myself. Not without help. 'Birds sing most beautifully when free.' If I were a bird, I wouldn't even sing. That's how depressing my life is right now. Damon's a bright spot in it. But he only wants Katherine free of that tomb. I don't know what's going to happen once we open the tomb, but I have a feeling things aren't going to go nearly as planned. I just hope I'm strong enough to survive the enormous storm I sense coming on fast. I know that the clouds will let loose the torrential rain and the thunder will roar so loudly the ground will shake. And the first drops will start to fall when we open the tomb. I don't know how I know this, but I'm certain of it. I should stop here, though. I need to get ready for school._

_Elena_

I sigh as I close Elena's diary. I sit on her bed, staring at the rose I gave her last night as I get lost in thoughts over what I have read. But, despite trying to concentrate on everything she wrote, the last paragraph of her latest entry keeps popping up in my head. Her references to herself as a bird that's caged and jessed on heavy iron chains are rather disturbing. I have this intense urge to free her of her bonds but I honestly have no idea how.

And what did she mean about an enormous storm she senses coming on fast? I know she's not referring to the actual weather, but something else entirely. That reference is bugging me because, ironically enough, I have that same sense, the sense of a powerful, life-altering storm rapidly approaching from beyond the horizon.

I gnaw on my lower lip as I think. Suddenly, I notice that the angle of sunlight coming in the window has shifted significantly. I glance at her clock and see that it's nearly three-thirty in the afternoon. I need to put her journal back and get out of here. I do _not_ need to get caught red-handed reading her journal.

I quickly put her journal back exactly where I got it from under the loose floorboard next to her bed. Then I shape-shift into a crow and fly out her window to perch on the roof above it. I'm going to rally Elena's help in finding the grimiore before Stefan does, though I know he'll try to do the same to prevent me from finding it first. She proved that I can trust her to help me open the tomb, even though her journal has revealed to me that she's not very happy about the fact that it's going to be opened. The fact that she's putting her own reluctance to the side to prove to me I can trust her is a pretty big thing, in my opinion. No one's ever done something like that for me before.

As I see the witch's car turn onto the street, I look into Elena's eyes and see that she's grimly determined to do something. I find that I can't wait to find out what that something is. I have a feeling that whatever this sensation of a rapidly approaching storm means, Elena and I will only be able to survive it if we work together and have each other's backs. This is going to be interesting.


End file.
